Tips & Facts For Finding The Best Body Piercing In Your Area

The decision to get pierced is one that more and more people are making. These people are from all walks of life. In fact body piercing has seen a rise in popularity because it can sometimes be easier to hide than some other body modifications. One of the reasons why piercings below the neck are so popular is that you can hide them in a more conservative job even.

It is important to go to the right place for the type of piercing you want. Alexa has compiled this list of tips and facts for finding the right piercer near you.

1. Consider A Piercing Only Studio

Many areas have places that only pierce and sell jewelry unlike the typical tattoo and piercing studio that is so much more common. There is something to be said for a business that specializes. The jewelry quality and selection is sometimes higher and even custom made.

2. Type Of Piercing

Some types of piercings are more complicated than others. A piercer that has just been doing it a few years may be just fine with typical piercings like nostril, septum, ears, navel, etc, but could have little experience with genital piercings.

Some piercings can only safely be done if you have the right anatomy for them and some are so rarely done that is is hard to find a piercer that has done more than a few even if they have been piercing for decades. The triangle piercing on ladies is a perfect example of this. I talked about this piercing in depth in my post “The Triangle Of Submission”.

Never be afraid to ask someone’s experience level if you are wanting a rarer piercing.

3. APP Certified

The Association of Professional Piercers is the premiere organization that promotes safe piercing practices and education. Piercers that are certified must always carry jewelry that meets the organizations standards and members are help accountable for any negligence that gets reported. Besides all that, being a member shows that the piercer probably keeps up with industry breakthroughs and does some continuing education.

4. Gender Of Piercer

First off I am not saying one gender is better than the other when it comes to the skills required to be a good piercer however you need to be as at ease or comfortable as possible when getting pierced and that means if you are more comfortable with a man or a woman then you should find a studio that has one or the other. There are plenty of really good piercers out there of either gender but it is all about your comfort when it comes to getting pierced.

5. Price

If the price sounds too good to be true then beware or at least clarify with the studio or piercer what is included. Sometimes there is a fee based on the piercing and then whatever jewelry you pick out is added in whereas some studios include basic jewelry in the price they give you. In some cases you may want to pay a little extra for a jewelry upgrade. Titanium jewelry can be a nice upgrade from stainless steel.  Sometimes studios do have specials or other discounts available. If you get two or more piercings at once then a lot of studios will offer some sort of discount.

6. Jewelry Selection

A lot of the time starter jewelry is not so fancy because once swelling and healing are done, you need to change to a different length or size. Nipple piercings are a prime example. When you get your nipples pierced they always use a bar or ring that accommodates swelling. Afterwards you may be a lot more comfortable with shorter bars or smaller rings.

On the other hand if you are getting an ear or nostril piercing, you may want to get something that is fancier right away. Not every shop has anything that resembles fine jewelry.

7. Portfolios

Make sure to check out a piercer’s portfolio online. This can often be found on the studio or piercer’s website. Facebook is okay for pictures of piercings unless you want to see nipple or genital piercings. For the private piercings you will have to go to the actual website or request some pictures from the piercer.

8. Online Reviews & References

Of course online reviews are going to give you some valuable information but people might not talk about the specific piercing they got if it is private in nature. Yelp and Facebook are good sources for reviews. You can always ask for a reference if you are really worried but it might be a bit overkill unless you are getting something really rare.

9. Going The Distance

Going further to get someone with more experience may be worth it in some cases. Plenty of people travel hundreds of miles to find a piercer with the experience they desire. Going back to the triangle piercing for example, since it is rare you are far more likely to get a good result with someone that has done quite a few of them even if you have to make a longer trip of it than you would like.

10. Availability

Most of the time any studio will be able to fit you pretty quickly due to how fast most piercings can be done. However some studios or those that do piercings and tattoos may have more limited hours. It is a good idea to call ahead or check out hours online. Really popular piercers sometimes may take appointments only. For piercings that are complicated it can be good to give them a heads up that you are coming in. This allows them to arrange to give you the time needed for a consultation and to make sure you are comfortable.

Weekends are usually the busiest time for piercers so if you want to avoid the rush, try to get to them on a weekday when things are slower.

11. Willing To Answer All Questions

A good piercer should be willing to answer all of your questions as best they can. Keep in mind that no piercer is going to be able to perfectly describe the experience you will have with a piercing before you get it because everyone is different. They can however tell you what to generally expect. If you are more sensitive to pain than average then this is going to change your experience. If a piercer is reluctant to take the time to answer all your questions then you need to find someone that thinks you are worth their time. On the other hand be respectful of their time as well, especially if they have other clients waiting.

Commited: How To Find The Best Tattoo Parlor Near You

Finding a place to get your tattoo is important. After all, this is something that is going to be on your body your entire life. Here are some things to remember when searching for the best place to go closest to you.

1. Yelp

Using Yelp is a good way to start out. You will at least get a list of tattoo establishments in your general area. From here you can read a lot of reviews and even see a few photos.

2. Look Up Shops Individually

Most artists have online portfolios of their work. This is a good way to get an idea about an individual shop or artist’s style. Some are really good at specific things such as portraits or shading. If flowers are your thing then you might want to look for someone who has some photos of some they have done. If an artist doesn’t have an online portfolio then check out the shop Facebook page.

3. Pricing

Never mention that so and so said they would do it for this….. First off it is rude and secondly if you mention a price to a tattoo artist and it is higher than what they were going to charge you anyway then plenty of people will just charge you maybe a little less but not as cheap as they would have if you hadn’t run your mouth.

4. Time Frame

Some shops are booked a month or more in advance because they are either really good or just have a small clientèle that is loyal to them. Sometimes shops that do really good work for a lower price are also booked pretty far in advance. If you want to get something done pretty quick then make sure to ask how far out on appointments a shop is.

5. Ask Friends

If you have tattooed friends then it is worth it to ask them to recommend a good parlor. This might also give you some idea on pricing by the hour as well.

6. Know Your Comfort Level

Tattoo parlors can range a lot in terms of feel. If you want a more Zen experience or are more comfortable with a female or male tattoo artist then this should have an impact on your search. If you like the feel of a place that is blasting heavy metal or has a biker theme then use that to search.

No matter what you are into there is probably a parlor that you can make work for you and your comfort level.

7. Distance

Near you is a term that means different things to different people. In some areas you may have to drive a lot further to get at tattoo than others. Distance can also come more into play if the tattoo you want needs several sessions of ink to complete. That being said it can be worth it to go a little further down the road if it means getting a better quality tattoo.

8. Experience Level & Talent

There are some tattoos that are so simple that even an apprentice can make them look good. A few basic stars or a simple flower are good examples. Other tattoos have a ton of intricacy, depth, and shading and are best left to those with a higher level of experience. On the other hand some artists show remarkable talent even if they don’t have as much clocked in time tattooing. There are people who did other art forms for years and then take up tattooing and find they are really fabulous at it.

9. Be Aware Of Tattoo Rules & Ethical Standards

Some states actually have rules about certain areas of your body being tattooed. If you want a tattoo that is above the neck and live in a state that prohibits them then you might have to make a longer road trip of it and go to the next state over. Here are a few examples of tattoo laws that are restricting.


No one can be tattooed within an inch of their eye socket.

South Carolina

Head, face, and neck tattoos are illegal.

Most states require you to be 18 to get a tattoo whereas others will allow tattoos on minors as young as 16 with parental consent.

Regardless of state rules, tattoo artist have their personal ethics and some will refuse to do tattoos of offensive or degrading things.

Some will simply say no to something if they think there is a high chance that someone will regret it. If you go in and ask to have your face tattooed like a checkerboard or giant dick put on your forehead, don’t be surprised when you get told no. Tattoo artists also do not want their name to be associated with something so bad.

The Triangle Of Submission: What You Need To Know About Triangle Piercings

So I decided to finally get over it and go get what is my last genital piercing. I wanted to write about it because maybe I can offer some insight to others like myself that found little information or experiences to read about.  I am going to talk about a lot of things regarding a triangle piercing because I think that what info out there is largely graphic and scary stories  that could easily give someone a skewed view of the piercing. Let’s start from the beginning.

What is a triangle piercing?

A triangle piercing is done by piercing the tissue behind the clitoral shaft. You have to have very specific anatomy for this piercing to work for you. If you can pull your clitoral tissue away from your body and pinch under the shaft then you might be a good candidate for a triangle. Elayne Angel will do consultations online if you take some photos and pay $10. Generally speaking if you just do the pinch test yourself you probably will know if it is worth going to a piercer over.

The triangle piercing was invented and performed at The Gauntlet in San Francisco back in 1991. Elayne Angel and Lou Duff pioneered this piercing. It is rumored to be the most stimulating of the female genital piercings out there.

Pain Factor

When I was still going back and forth about the triangle I shelled out $10 for a month long subscription to BME which by the way is generally a good resource for anything related to body modification. In the case of triangle piercings they listed 187 stories. Unfortunately a lot of these were just people talking about pain and the first day or so of their piercing or how it was botched. I hated to hear so many stories like this but it did not deter me from getting this done myself.

For me the pain lasted for a few seconds. According to a lot of BME experiences a lot of ladies claimed that they jumped at the time of piercing and that the pain factor was greater when the jewelry was pushed through than at the actual time of piercing. This was not the case at all for me. I didn’t even feel the jewelry go in. The triangle was not as bad as having two Princess Dianas at once.

My Experience

I set up an appointment a week ahead of time just to make sure the person I needed to do this was there. You want to know who is doing this one.

My appointment took longer because their were some girls there getting their ears pierced and the shop wanted to get them handled before a piercer doing a complicated triangle.
The other factor at play was that I was asked if it was okay if the other piercers watched. There was no pressure to do this. I fully believe I would have been treated well even if I didn’t agree to let two other male piercers watch the procedure.

You should be prepared to be asked this and understand the reason behind it. Triangles are rare piercings so piercers like to set in on them so they can learn. It is hard for a piercer to get any experience with triangles because everyone is told to never go o someone for one that has never did one. I let others watch this being done to me because I figured it might help others in the future that want to get this piercing done. Piercers ask to set in on these things much the same way a doctor should observe a procedure before doing it themselves. These piercers want to get better at what they do and make sure they do things the right way. If you can bring yourself to let other piercers watch, then you should.

I laid down on the padded table in an office that was set up like a doctor’s office. This is a good feeling because the attention to cleanliness and sterility is important. I had been marked and allowed to see where the piercing would go but once on the table the needle receiving tube was put into place. This was where my piercer had to pull at my bits to get everything in place.

I was told whenever I was ready and told to breathe in and out. It was over in just a couple seconds of pain. I did not feel the jewelry go in because my piercer used a taper that was attached to the needle so there was no second step of pushing jewelry through that was painful like so many people describe. It makes me wonder who these piercers are that are using such a painful method for the second step, putting in the jewelry. My piercer used a 12 gauge straight barbell with BB ends which are basically shaped like a rounded flatter disc. Well here is a picture so you can see what I mean. Keep in mind this is at 5 days post piercing.


Most of the triangles you see are done with an open curved barbell. In fact this is what Elayne Angel who has done a lot of triangles, recommends. The reason why we went with a straight barbell is to reduce the likelihood that the jewelry would pinch a lot when combined with my other piercings as well as my anatomy. For healing my piercer thought this was best.

The gauge of the jewelry can range from 14 gauge to 10 gauge initially. The smaller the jewelry the bigger the risk of migration and other complications. On the other hand a bigger hole can mean more pain. I let my piercer decide what was best initially although he did offer to go one size larger. I figured middle ground was best anyway.


I came prepared with a pad and underwear and put them on after. I bled very little. The lightest of panty liners would have been more than enough. In fact just having on underwear would have ensured that nothing when through pants or anything like that. This was far different than the days of flow that I had read about.

After that first hour I had no need for any type of pad. I had sex very carefully within 24 hours since I had some minimal swelling. That being said you have to be careful about when you have sex. This type of piercing is very individualized so what is good for one is not necessarily good for another person.

If you have sex as quick as I did after you want to make sure to avoid putting any major pressure on the area of the triangle itself. You will probably be a little sore anyway. Abstinence is not necessary during the healing period of a genital piercing but you need to be sure to listen to your body about what is enough and stay clean. Spray off your bits with canned saline wound wash or a saline spray made specifically for piercings. Showering regularly is important so long as you are careful about using soap on your genitals. Too much washing or harsh soaps can cause trouble.

Why I Think My Experience Differed So Much From What I Read

APP Certified Piercer

While some certifications don’t mean so much I do think that going to an Association Of Piercing Professionals piercer for a rare or complicated piercing is highly advisable. They have to meet a certain standard level and if they fail to then they are not able to carry the APP logo at their shop or be listed.


Piercing is an art and that takes time to develop. No one starts off an expert. My personal rule is that if it a complicated or rare piercing then you need to find someone with years of experience. The person that did my triangle has been piercing for 14 years and did some before he did mine.

A Piercer With A Plan

Your piercer should address your concerns and have a plan. I went to this person because the first time I talked to him on the phone he had a plan about how to do the piercing to accommodate my others.


A piercer should say no if someone comes in with questionable or unsuitable anatomy for a piercing. Unfortunately money talks and no one wants to tell some girl coming in that they cannot get what they want. A good piercer will do this anyway. It is unethical to do something that is risky and not suitable to someone’s anatomy even if it means losing that $100.

Borderline Anatomy Is A Real Thing

This relates back to piercer ethics and experience levels. A triangle piercing is easier if you can pull the clitoral shaft further away from the body. I think a lot of ladies that report their experiences with this piercing have borderline anatomy which leaves more potential for a piercer to mess it up. If a piercer hits a nerve they shouldn’t then what should be a quick little bit of pain can turn into agony.

I had plenty of room which made it easier to get through and get a good placement so after the piercing I experienced a little swelling and tenderness but nothing like the days of pain and bleeding some people report having.

Method & Patience

When I went in for this piercing I was straight forward about my big concern regarding jumping involuntarily and the needle not going where it should. My fears were allayed because my piercer had already planned for this. Using a needle receiving tube and stretching out the tissue to be pierced made it much easier to get proper placement and made it to where even if I involuntarily jumped, the needle could only go one way.

It took awhile to get the placement marked and things set up. If your piercer seems rushed then you need to consider walking out the door. This is not a piercing where you want to feel like you are being rushed through to make room for another client.

People Are More Likely To Share Bad Experiences Than Good Ones

It is just a fact that overall people are more likely to share the negative in reviews than the positive. You just have to keep this in mind when doing research and not let them get to you too much.

The Sex Factor

The triangle is done usually because it offers the most potential for stimulation. Even if a lady gets a triangle she may not want to discuss the sexual aspects of it at all. This means a lot of the stuff you want to know about when doing research before a triangle, is just not available.

While mine is still only 5 days old, I do have to say that it makes orgasms more intense even though I have had to avoid rubbing on that area in general due to just a little understandable pain if it is pinched the wrong way. The stimulation from behind is different and it makes orgasms stronger and last longer.

I cannot give an opinion on exactly how much just a triangle would make because I have a vertical clitoral hood piercing and a Diana on either side of that so that is contributing to my experience. If you have room for a triangle and don’t already have a VCH then you should consider getting both done so you have stimulation from front and back.

Elayne Angel has commented on her site that she has had women that have not orgasmed ever before that do after having a triangle done so imagine what it can do if you don’t have any trouble in that department.

Alternatives If You Can’t Have The Triangle

Just because you cannot have the triangle doesn’t mean you can’t get a great genital piercing. Here are a few alternatives to the triangle that can still do a lot for you.

VCH (Vertical Clitoral Hood)

This is the most common female genital piercing because it doesn’t hurt much, heals quickly, and directly stimulates the clitoris. This is what people are usually talking about when they say clit piercing even though it does not go through the clitoris itself. Starter jewelry is normally 16-12 gauge.

Princess Diana

This is basically just a hood piercing that goes on either side of your hood. These are normally done in pairs. Elayne Angel invented this piercing for a lady that traveled a long way to get a triangle and then was not suited for it. These hurt a little more than the VCH because you are getting two and the pain kind of adds up. If you have a big enough hood you can get a VCH and two Dianas.

Horizontal Hood

Horizontal and Vertical Piercing

A lot of times this one is done more for appearance than stimulation. Still though a properly placed ring may offer you some benefit. A lot of women get a Horizontal and a Vertical.

What To Get

Finding out what piercing is best for your anatomy is something your piercer can discuss with you. There are guidelines you can go by to figure some of this out on your own but it is really your piercer that can give you the real low down on what you are built for.



If there is one thing that the Hitachi wand is famous for is its ability to bring more women to orgasm them just about any vibrator. At $50-$70 it is a bargain. We have two of them because it is nice to have one that is cordless and one that is not. There are a ton of attachments for women and men so it is incredibly versatile. The cordless version retails for well over a $100 but if you shop around you can usually find it for $90 or so. Oh and here is another fun fact

In 2016, Time Magazine named the Magic Wand the 10th Most Influential Gadget of All Time!

When I bought our Hitatchi I discovered that the company that makes them is actually called Vibratex so if you see this one one you are getting the real deal and not a knock off. It seems Hitatchi wanted to use a different name so the wand didn’t influence buying decisions of those getting other products. Yes there are some people out there that are not going to buy a drill or miter saw if the same company makes sex toys or massagers. Stupid but true.

I am going to put a link in to what is the real deal Hitachi right here. They are called Magic Wand Original now so although you may get results in a search engine using Hitachi Wand, don’t be surprised when it doesn’t say Hitachi anywhere on the box or toy.

Easier to conceal and less scary to those that have never used a sex toy


One reason the Magic Wand Massager is more approachable for some is that it doesn’t look like a vibrating penis or something straight out of a sex shop. This means that there is less chance of embarrassment if a kid rummages through your stuff or you forget it out somewhere.

Actually good for muscle aches

Wand massagers are actually really good for back rubs and such and I am sure that some people use them more for this than sex. If you are nervous or apprehensive about trying out a vibrator, the wand massager is a good way to see if it is something you actually like because you can just use it for massages if it turns out not to be your thing in the sex department.


The variety of attachments out there is pretty extensive. It should be said that any attachment is going to be a buffer of sorts. The direct contact of the massager may be a bit much for some so the attachments can help. Sensual Hut offers a package deal for $80 that includes 10 of them. This can be your best deal if you don’t know what you want for sure. Bought separately they are a lot more expensive overall. The package has attachments for men and women so it is a good choice for couples that are experimenting. The clear sleeve can give a guy some very powerful orgasms. I recommend having a towel nearby for clean up because it is that intense.

Silicone Strap Accessory

If you have a favorite dildo then this strap makes it possible to use it on your wand massager. While $14 seems a bit steep for just a little bit of silicone, it does make your wand massager a lot more versatile especially if you already have a toy collection. As long as your selected attachment has a base that is wider than the top you are probably good to go.

Imitation & Cheap Wand Massagers

There are lot of cheap fakes out there that try to pass themselves off as the real Magic Wand Original. The Magic Wand Original site has a guide to telling if what you bought is fake and links to retailers that are trustworthy to buy it from.

You don’t want to spend that much for cheap knock off that is going to break or in our case we actually had a cheap off brand from Adam and Eve that start throwing out sparks! This was over a decade ago so maybe they have improved it is so not worth the risk in my opinion! If you are spending $30 don’t expect to get the power and durability you get with a major brand.

Cordless Versus Plug In

I think both a cordless and plug in wand massager is worth the investment. The one thing you have to remember about this though is that anything that is battery powered is simply not going to be as powerful for as long as a plug in model. You can just get so much out of a battery. The cordless one is also heavier because of the battery and there is a warning to not leave it plugged in to the charger for more than 3 hours and to unplug it as soon as the light turns from green to red indicating that it is fully charged up.

Even the most durable toys will wear out eventually.

The lifespan of your wand massager is going to vary a lot based on how much and how you use it. Rechargeable batteries have a limited life before they start to lose their ability to recharge or hold a charge for very long. Grinding against a wand is not easy on the head and motor either.

We have had our plug in Magic Wand Original for under 2 years but since we use it regularly and not always so gently it has started to make a few sounds that makes me believe it is going to need replaced within a year or so. The Magic Wand is a tough toy to break and is definitely going to outlast cheap vibrators that take batteries.

Other Reputable Brands

Since the demand and enthusiasm for wand massagers has been consistently high over the last 30 years, it is not at all surprising that some high quality brands have emerged to compete. I personally have not used any of these but feel that they are worth mentioning because others seem to think they are pretty great.

Tantus Rumble

This one is shaped a bit differently and Tantus only offers a few attachments. Reviews are a bit mixed on this one but Tantus does stand behind their products so it is worth at least a glance.

Lelo SmartWand

If an all silicone wand massager is what you are looking for then the Lelo is worth looking into. The price is a bit steep like all Lelo toys. Some women like it because the harder you press it against your skin the more it vibrates. With 8 levels of intensity it does offer a lot of options.


This company started up in the UK and claims that their wand massagers are 30% more powerful than the Hitachi Wand. At the same time the price tag of $135 for the regular plug in model and $219 for the all metal and silicone version makes it a big investment for that extra 30% and the die cast $219 model is heavier than the Hitachi so that is something to consider.

Alexa’s Choice

I think the Magic Wand Original is the best overall value and truly the most bang for you buck. That being said I am very curious to try out the Doxy so I think when we wear out the plug in Magic Wand I am going to upgrade to the all metal $219 version.

To be honest I didn’t think I would do this post but since starting this blog it has got me thinking about the fact that plenty of people are still mystified about the female orgasm and that definitely includes a lot of women as well as men. Sorry but if they did then we would not be living in a world where a lot of women have never even had one.. Yep in the  a lot of ladies go through a lot of their lives and sometimes their entire lives without having a proper orgasm let alone a full on g-spot electrifying one. Here are a few things to consider when trying to figure out the female orgasm. Alexa hopes this helps more ladies get over some of the body image and stress issues that make it hard to let go and have the sexual experience they deserve and that the men reading this will use this information wisely too!

Size Matters But It’s Different Than You Might Think


There are all sizes of people out there and as much as a lot of people don’t want to talk about it, the size you are in your genital area has a big impact on sexual satisfaction. This goes for men and women. Women can have big or small genitalia just like a man can. How all this matches up can influence how a person goes about having a positive sexual experience. The Kama Sutra talks about this a lot, classifying women and men into three different size categories. Just like a man can have a small, average, or big cock, a woman can have a small, average, or large “yoni”. The good news is that there is someone out there that is “ahem” a good fit for you and at least some of this is about personal preference not actual body size.


Sex was better in my 20s and in my 30s than when I was younger. Let’s be honest about the time it takes a woman to get off. It often takes a girl a lot longer than a guy unless he is holding back. Being young, excited, horny, etc, leads to sex ending pretty quickly combined with her own lack of experience in knowing what she wants. This is a cruel trick of nature but it is what it is. Foreplay helps out a lot. Oral sex on a lady can help give her some extra stimulation before intercourse that can make all the difference when it comes to the big moment.

We Are Often Shy About Saying What We Need

Ok not all women are like this and I like to think it has become less of a problem but plenty of women regardless of how long they have been in a relationship have hesitations about saying what they want. This is understandable considering we are still dealing with a lot of women that grew up in households where sex was not a “proper” subject or they are simply afraid of the reaction from their partner.

Taking control of your sex life involves being able to communicate desires and needs. This is not an easy thing for a lot of people but the benefits are well worth it. There is a good chance you were worrying about something you shouldn’t have and that your partner will appreciate knowing and doing what makes you happy and satisfied. Don’t expect everyone you sleep with to be a mind reader.

Letting Go

To have an orgasm you have to surrender yourself to the moment and act and this is a mighty hard thing for a lot of ladies to do, especially with all the demands of the day to day plus having an orgasm with someone is just so darn intimate! It can be hard for many to let go enough to relax and not think about obligations but instead concentrate on physical pleasure and intimacy. Doing something that relaxes you and gets you in a good frame of mind before sex can be a big help. Destressing can get easier over time as you discover what really gets you in the mood.

Body Image & Functions: Let’s Just Get Over It People

There have been plenty of women that have been embarrassed about the functions of their bodies, especially when it comes to sexual climax. One of the reasons why some women never get to a G-Spot climax is that they confuse the feeling with that of urinating. The embarrassment of this is enough that they literally hold back their orgasm.

Female ejaculation was once a more taboo subject but now that it has been discussed more openly than before, a lot of women have stopped being so embarrassed when it happens. Think about it from the perspective that a lot of people are just going to be happy they were able to make you cum that hard. There is and excellent chance that your partner thinks a lot more positively about your body than you ever imagined! Being comfortable with your self is a bigger turn on than you realize!


The importance of lubrication cannot be stressed enough. Even if you are really turned on there is often still need for lubrication, especially if you are having an extended session of sex, using condoms, toys, etc. Hormonal birth control and where a woman is in her cycle can also play a role in the body’s ability to grease the works. Dry sex is painful sex and that is a sure way to makes sure a woman doesn’t want to do it or at the very least gets little pleasure. I did a whole post on lubes you may want to check out. Just remember that water based doesn’t last forever so you got to reapply often if you are making a long evening of it.

Sometimes It Takes Getting Comfortable With Your Partner Over Time

Look I know that relationships can be complicated and not everyone settles down with a single person and all that jazz but in my own experience I was not able to have an orgasm through intercourse until I met my husband and we had sex a few times. This was more than 12 years ago when I was 21 years old. I don’t think I am alone in saying that getting to know what you like and what works takes time and it can vary based on the people involved. This sometimes one of the reasons why so many people actually don’t get the pleasure they expect out of a lot out of one night stands or a few hook ups.

The other person might be exceptionally good and caring in the sack and it still takes a few times to get in the groove so to speak. This goes back to that whole letting go concept and also being comfortable enough to not be so self conscious that your pleasure is affected. So if you are wondering why things are not working out the way you would like and you have only slept together a few times, don’t beat yourself up too much over it.

The more I had sex with the man that would be my husband during that first month of our relationship, the better I got at having orgasms because I knew my body better and so did he. We had sex more in the first month of dating than I had my whole life previously. This was actually what changed my mind about sex in general. I really had no idea really what got me going until my relationship with him. Before that I just didn’t have the experience to know my body well, communicate what I needed, nor  had I ever had a partner that cared what I got out of it. I am saying this because I think it is important to stress the importance of practice when it comes to getting to know your body and what makes it feel good and being with someone that is not just in it for their own physical pleasure.

Clit Stimulation Versus Penetration: Enter The Vibrator

When it comes to orgasms, most women need some clit stimulation to actually send them over the edge. If penetration is just not getting you past a certain point then you might try using a vibrator. There are a lot of different ones out there. A cock ring that vibrates on a male partner might be all you need. Luckily they make them that recharge via USB so no more battling with tiny batteries that don’t last. Be warned if your partner is well endowed though because cock rings can run small. If they are really stretchy this is less of a problem.

There are plenty of other vibrators out there that are suitable for couples or if you are flying solo most of the time you may want a slightly different model. It may take some time to figure out what vibrator style does the most for you so if the first one doesn’t work out then you should try something else. Better yet, just order two or three different ones and take them for a test run. 9/10 you can find some fun use for even those that are not what you expected.

Values & Fear

One thing that has a huge effect on women’s view of sex and pleasure is how they were taught to think about sex during the formative years. If a woman is taught that sex is something to be ashamed of, a sin before marriage, or other beliefs that make it seem negative, they can have a mindset that they are wrong to get pleasure from it and often have deep feelings of guilt.  This is a truly terrible thing and I like to believe that it is becoming less common but I think it is safe to say that this is still the case often enough that it keeps some women from experiencing one of life’s pleasures. It can be hard to overcome ingrained thoughts and behaviors but if you can then there is a lot the world has to offer.

Empowerment & Positive Self Image Through Body Piercing

Piercings Are Empowering

Some people have a hard time understanding the appeal of body piercing in general. It would never cross their mind that they have the power to make others feel a lot better about their bodies and have a generally healthier attitude towards sex. Unfortunately there are still stereotypes and an unhealthy attitudes about sexuality and enjoyment. Ignoring the fact that sex is part of human nature and something to be enjoyed only causes harm. If you are told from a young age that sex is something to never be discussed unless you are married or a doctor leads to potentially life changing decisions. A little sex education can go a long way towards a better life and more responsible choices.

We Are Taught Those Bits Are Dirty

Boys and girls are often taught to view private areas of the body such as the breasts, vagina, or penis are dirty and something that needs to be regarded as such in all shape or form. This may sound extreme but think about what society in the past and sometimes even currently has to say about masturbation or semi nudity. The human breast is used to feed and nurture but oh my goodness if a nipple gets exposed it makes the national news ala Janet Jackson.

Piercings of the nipples or genitals especially can show that these parts of our bodies can be seen as something beautiful and to be treasured as part of the beauty of life. Some people that have been victims of abuse have reported feeling like getting a piercing helped them reclaim their bodies as their own.

Affordable & Effective Enhancement

Piercings are generally less invasive, cheaper, and have a shorter recovery time than practically any surgical enhancements. Fillers and other cosmetic injections only last so long and you are back for more to get the same result. A piercing that is done by a competent piercer can bring years of enjoyment and enhancement.

My Journey With Piercings

If you had told me even a year or two ago that I would be setting here typing this as the proud owner of a piercing in each nipple, a vertical clitoral hood piercing, and a pair of Princess Diana piercings, I would have been skeptical.

For those that are new to this sort of thing a vertical clitoral hood piercing or VCH is a piercing that is placed in the middle of the hood above your clitoris. A lot of people make the mistake of calling it a clit piercing but the truth is that very few people actually have their honest to goodness clit pierced. It is a risky and dangerous piercing that very few women are built for. Usually a VCH piercing is done using a curved barbell and placed so the end bead is directly on the clit.

Princess Diana piercings are not common. They are a piercing that is done on each side of the clitoral hood. Usually they are done in pairs but it can be done as a single on ladies that don’t have room for a standard VCH. Vaginas vary a lot so some people are just not built for all genital piercings. If your piercer says that you can’t get a certain piercing then they have your best interest at heart. Chances are there is a great piercing you can get even if it wasn’t the one you initially wanted.

The VCH is the female genital piercing that the most women are built for. After I got mine I read some on Elayne Angel’s site about piercings I came to a realization that I probably was one of the few women that was suited to have a VCH piercing and a pair of Princess Dianas. I was still incredulous even when I went to my piercer where it was declared that I had a “pretty big hood” and it could be done.

It was a good decision. The healing process and recover time were a few weeks and I had my husband change out all the balls for rattle balls so this is a very stimulating piercing combination. In a few weeks I will be able to switch to shorter bars which will improve the effect as well.

Before all this I was honestly starting to feel a bit frumpy even thought I am in my 30s. I wasn’t taking the time to do my 5 minute makeup routine or doing anything with my hair. In short I was starting to feel like it was downhill from here in the looks department.

Part of the change in my attitude was also due to the fact that I started simply just not giving a care about being a bit weird. We are living in modern times and there are fewer people that really care about tattoos, different colors of hair, and piercings. Most people simply have better things to do than worry about it.

The Nipples

I already covered a lot about nipple piercings in my previous blog post so please check that out if you haven’t already!

The Triangle

My next piercing is hopefully going to be another rare one called a triangle. For this one the nerve bundle on your clit has to be able to be pulled away and you are pierced behind the clit so you get stimulation from behind. This will be my last genital piercing because at this point I will have had all the most stimulating ones done. I am a little intimidated to get this piercing in some ways because it is supposed to be more intense than a VCH and the recovery time is a bit more to deal with. Still though it is supposed to really be something else if you are built for it. I figure you only live once so why not give it a try.

I think the addition of this piercing is going to require me to have a bit smaller jewelry on the VCH and the Dianas because of everything being in close proximity. I talked to my piercer about this because of my unique situation and he thinks that a barbell straight through instead of the regular open circular barbell is likely going to be the way to go for me. I will definitely be updating this site with info after I get this done.

The Choice

Body modification can be very empowering but it is not something that doesn’t deserve a huge amount of thought and attention. Some piercings can leave marks if you let them close up. Facial piercings in particular leave visible marks when “retired”. Stretching your ear lobes out is a permanent modification that often requires plastic surgery if you decide that you don’t want them anymore.

Elayne Angel made me think about the other aspects of choosing to be pierced such as care over the long term.  Her book “The Piercing Bible” is a tome that every person that is even considering a body piercing should have a copy of.

Piercings can make taking care of your body more time consuming, especially during the healing period, so this is something you need to be prepared for. You may have to be more careful during some sexual activities for the rest of your life, especially if your better half is pierced as well. Tangled up jewelry can cause serious injury.

Healing periods can be longer for some piercings than others. Female nipples can take 6 months or longer to heal. Belly rings take a full year to heal according to a lot or piercers. Ear cartilage piercings are really popular and attractive but some take 9 months to heal! You need to be sure that you are ready for the commitment it takes to have a piercing that heals well and looks good.

Piercing Consultations

I highly recommend that anyone that is considering a genital piercing, should do a lot of research and read about the experiences of others. BME has a lot of information and it may be worth the $10 for a month long subscription to get access to some of there photos and stories. They have more info on rarer piercings like the triangle than any other site besides Elayne Angel’s.

Make A Fucksaw Fucking Machine For Under $100

A fucksaw is a reciprocating saw that has been fitted with an attachment that holds any Vac-U-Lock compatible dildo you can find. They are capable of fucking very hard so a lot of people add in a dimmer switch or speed control. This is not a sex toy for beginners. You have to be careful with it until you know what you are comfortable with. Communication is key because this thing is powerful.

Fucking machines can be a great way to experiment in the bedroom. I also see why a fucking machine would be good for unattached persons. The problem is that they are really expensive. The fucksaw is more well known now thanks to the famous Northwestern University incident where it was demonstrated on a woman in front of students. Lets be clear that students were told they could leave with no effect on grades or anything like that. Sunny Megatron caused quite a stir and a lot of interest in female ejaculation.

This fucking tool has actually be around for quite awhile in the BDSM community. I can tell you that it will make you never look at power tools the same way again. My husband and I were actually building something when we decided to make a sex machine. At first I ordered the $54 adaptor from XR on Amazon. The hubby and I went to Lowes and bought a reciprocating saw with additional orbiting action. This is a pretty powerful tool at 8.5 amps instead of the 6 amps you get with a lot of fucksaws. A jelly dildo and a larger than I expected plastic one and we were ready to go.

We broke the damn adaptor twice in one session and we were actually taking it easy because it was the first time using it. Plenty of other customers have pointed out that the part that goes into the reciprocating saw is just so thin that a little bit in one direction and it is broke. We just stuck the dildo on the end and kept going. This thing can really fuck hard and the importance of good lubrication is really important. I highly recommend using lube shooters so you can get a lot in before you even get started. If you are nervous then warm up with something else before the fucksaw.

Luckily I got a full refund on the purchase and discovered an adaptor that is not only $8 but comes with a replacement part if you break the part that goes into the saw. My fellow wrapped some electrical tape on the end so that it would fit Vac-U-Locks better and not have any rough edges. We slapped that together and went at it. It works perfect and with the $80 saw and $8 adapter you are looking at $88 plus whatever cock you want.

Reciprotools is the way to go. Get yours here.

Keep in mind that you can get a reciprocating saw that is 6 or 7 amps for $50 so you can do this cheaper than we did even but we went for the beefier model. So realistically you can do this for $60 plus dildos which you might already have.

After having this thing used on me a few times I can say that thinner smooth dildos work best. The bigger one I ordered is actually better in a lot of ways than the jelly because it is smooth. You can sure tell you have been fucked with that one though. I am built pretty big down there and this toy is a test.

One of the hardest things I have experienced with the fucksaw is letting go. It can be intimidating and you kind of worry if you are doing damage but the truth is you are not. Depth of penetration is important. Sunny Megatron has some tips for letting go but so far it has been a challenge for Alexa here. It is a project me and the husband need to work on.


Ok so the fucksaw has more potential than I thought after that first session where we broke the damn thing. I finally managed to get more out of it. The difference was in the position and approach plus the use of a cordless Hitachi wand. The handy husband made a pillow that would be supportive of sex from behind and holds a cordless Hitatchi wand in the right position for clitorial stimulation. This combination actually blew my mind and I had a really long and intense orgasm that left me pretty out of it for a minute or two. For me so far the fucksaw does more for me when I am bent over and have some form of clitoral stimulation. The fucksaw with an 8 inch jelly dildo doggy style was awesome and we will definitely be doing that again. I think other positions will become more comfortable as we get used to using it.

A word of caution to those with genital piercings, the Hitachi wand is far more likely to make you sore if used for very long. I have a VCH and Two Dianas and it made me a little bit sore the next day. Amazingly enough, a fucksaw when used right doesn’t leave you sore.

Biggest Complaints: It is incredibly hard to find vac-u-lock attachments that are silicone and super smooth without being odd shaped. It would be better if there was a broader range of silicone attachments. Perhaps you readers can suggest a brand that has a lot of silicone vac-u-lock.

Speed Controls: We have tried two different fan speed controllers so you can have more control over speed and it helps but it seems like there has to be one out there that isn’t so touchy. The slightest change in the controller and it goes from pretty slow to really fast.

Making It Hands Free

I have seen where some people have managed to mount these saws and get a speed controller that makes it possible for one person to use it. This is a bit complicated but might be worth it to some.  Here is a vid of a setup someone did for their wife.

What To Look For In Kegel Balls

Ben wa balls, jiggle balls, duotone, there are a lot of names for balls that are meant for long term vaginal wear. Besides helping out your sex life, they can also provide some overall health benefits such as helping keep pelvic muscles in shape and returning them to normal after childbirth.

There are a lot of types and sizes of balls to choose from out there but there are some key differences in function and quality of many styles. Here are what you should look for in set of kegel balls.

1. Truly Seamless

I cannot stress enough how important it is for anything that is worn in the body to be smooth and seamless. Even a seam that doesn’t cause any pain or discomfort can trap body fluids. Even if you are using soap and water, a seam can lead to yeast infections and worse. Regardless of how much something costs, make sure the seams are not a factor.

2. Size

Sorry but those little 1 inch balls are not going to do the job and they have a tendency to be really hard to get out even with assistance. You should feel the balls and I don’t think anyone could feel those little things inside them. At the same time something that is too large to be comfortable is not what you want either. For most individuals the balls that are in the 1.5-2.0 inch diameter range.

3. Duotone Or Not

Some kegel balls are solid and weighted while others have a smaller inner ball that moves around. A lot of ladies choose the ones that have the inner ball due to the heightened stimulation but they are not for everyone and might even be a bit too distracting. Even if you think you can hear them, no one else can so don’t make the mistake of thinking they are loud.

4. Materials

Silicone with an inner ball of metal is ideal but plastic coated silicone can work as well. Just make sure to not get fooled into thinking you are getting a true silicone coating only to find out the balls are mostly plastic with a silicone holder. This is how I managed to get some very inferior balls from Adam & Eve. To top it all off they were really expensive for what they were because we got them at one of their stores at the beach. Not worth $35 at all.

Some balls are made of solid metal. Just make sure you are getting stainless steel or better because these are going to be inside you for possibly extended periods of time. If you are really looking for a challenge then you might try the Titantica Balls which have a solid 3 inch diameter and are metal.

The Alternative To Kegel Balls: Vaginal Barbells

While these can look like a bit much they are made to last and will definitely give you a work out. I would not advise trying to wear this around in the beginning because it is pretty hard to keep in unless you are very much used to this sort of thing. The barbell is made to be worn in the vagina minus an inch or two sticking out that you grip. It is best to start out using this while setting down and work your way up to wearing throughout the day.



Best Resources For Bondage Gear

Extreme Restraints

This bunch has been around a long time and sell a lot of high quality equipment, sex toys, fetish wear, and more. Don’t get me wrong they also sell some cheaper low-end toys. This is not a site for those that are just wanting some silky rope although they do sell that as well. Their more expensive toys are full on fucking machines that go for $400-over $2,000.

One thing is that they have good customer service and have a lot of deals regularly such as the clearance section. If you are looking for larger toys then this is the place to go. That being said, make sure you realize the size of what you are getting because some of their stuff is intimidating and definitely not for beginners.

The customer reviews are helpful in some ways but are mostly just people telling their sex stories. Even if I plan on ordering from somewhere else sometimes I check out what their customers have to say to make sure I am not spending on something that is just going to last a few times.

The Stock Room

Another site that is trying to be fairly high end. They have a big selection and the shipping is free over $99 which is not unreasonable. They have quite a blog section and a lot of information about the bdsm lifestyle. You can check out the outlet section for bargains. If you are a bit shy about all this still and want some advice they have a live chat option with customer service from 9-5 Pacific Time every day! Right now they are having quite a sale on cuffs and collars. This is serious equipment so to speak so if you are looking for really long lasting stuff then they are worth looking into.

Fetish Toy Box

Wow this was quite a site to find. This site has some very high-quality merchandise and in a lot of cases the price reflects that. The $340 leather bondage corset is an example of something made to really last. If you are a fan of Wand Massagers then the Forced Orgasm belt is sure to please but I have to wonder if their version is made heavier duty than others due to the cost.


A lot of people don’t realize that Amazon has an extensive “Sexual Wellness” store. In some cases, Amazon searches can exclude adult items so you have to pay attention to the top of your screen and click to include adult items. I have found some of the best prices on Tantus products via Amazon. If you have Prime then you get unlimited 2 day shipping and really cheap overnight rates so if you get the urge to try something new or just forgot something to make the night special, it is hard to beat them. You can get a $20 item without having to worry about super expensive shipping for small orders.

Making Your Own

There are ways to make some of your own bondage gear if you have a sewing machine, possibly a few other tools, and a bit of time on your hands. Of course more advanced pieces that are studded or riveted are going to require some extra tools to get you where you want to be and might take more time than you expect. They key is to make sure what you are making is safe to use during a scene. When in doubt you can make something safely, definitely just buy it.

Lube 101


There are a ton of lubes out there and nothing is stopping you from having a whole collection of different ones for different purposes. After all lube is not generally that expensive and can do a lot to enhance the quality of your sex life. Here are some of the basics to remember when choosing lube.

Type Of Toys You Own

Silicone toys are increasing in popularity.

Silicone toys should normally not be used with silicone lube but hold up well when using water or oil based ones. Latex toys should not be used with oil-based lubes. Using the wrong lubes with toys can result in them breaking down much faster.


Thicker lubes are better for anal play and if you are not using condoms then oil based can be a more pleasurable experience. Water based lubes simply have to be applied more often and this is very important to your overall pleasure.

Lubes that are made for penetration can sometimes not taste so great so if oral is on the table then you will either want to get a lube made for it or choose a lube that doesn’t have a nasty flavor.

Oil Based Pick

Coconut oil is good for a lot of things.

Good old organic coconut oil is the best oil based lube I have used. You can get it that has been refined to remove the coconut flavor if you are not into it but the flavor is mild and a lot of people don’t mind it. Of course, this is not for use with latex.

Water Based   

Large size Passion Lube is a bargain for water based.

Passion Lube is affordable and works well but I cannot stand the taste of it. Still if you are just looking for something to bang away with or for masturbation then it works well and the bottle looks pretty by your bed instead of loud and obnoxious like a lot of lube packaging.


Swiss Navy sells big old jugs of silicone lube in a handy pump. has one of the better prices. This is not a lube that you want to try to buy locally because box stores like Adam & Eve double the price. Sorry but no quart size bottle of silicone is worth $100 retail. My only complaint is that the pump tended to drip a bit but that might have just been a defective bottle.

Buy The Big One


One thing I have noticed is that you get really ripped off buying lube in smaller containers. Unless you just want to try out a bunch of lubes before you invest in the big size, you are always better off just getting a quart or larger if you can. All that packaging costs a lot and that is passed on to you. If you don’t like leaving a big container out by your bed then buy a big one and then use it to refill a smaller and more discreet container as needed.

About Desensitizing Lubes

Desensitizers should be used with caution but can be helpful to some.

Some people are fans of lubes that are meant to delay ejaculation or that have a numbing effect to ease into anal sex. These often taste terrible but not always. Some sexperts argue that desensitizing anal lubes are not not good to use because if you are hurting then you are going too fast and should reevaluate your methods. If you are just now experimenting with certain sexual activities then you might consider just using a good quality standard lube.

Lube Allergies

Although lubes strive to be usable by a lot of people, there is always the possibility that you are sensitive to some ingredients. If you have known allergies to any ingredient then don’t even try it out. There are so many lube choices out there.


Flavored lubes can be a lot of fun but care must be taken to get quality safe formulas like this sample pack.

Some say that lubes that are flavored or have some dyes in them can be irritating or even lead to yeast infections and other issues in some cases. The key is to buy a quality product and take a glance at the ingredient list.

If you are looking to make oral a bit more fun, sometimes these lubes can be the ticket. Some even come in warming or tingling formulas. If you sometimes gag, some minty lube can help.

Trying New Lubes

Sampler packs are a great way to try new things.

It can take awhile to find the right lube and over the years your needs can change. For example,  you may find that you no longer have to stick to water based lubes if you are on hormonal birth control and not using condoms. You may also find that you need more and longer lasting lubrication at different times in your life.